On my Heart

Do you ever feel buried under something like this?

This picture might be a bit dramatic, but it certainly makes the point. Sometimes life gets a little overwhelming. And while we’re trying to process one thing, another “thing” is piled on top of us. Then another. And another. Until we feel buried and burdened and too exhausted and ineffective to do anything about it.

Can you relate? I sure can. This picture and description pretty much defines the past 5-6 months of my life. I could give you a list of 20 reasons right now, but you’ve got your own list of what you’re going through or have gone through in the past. Maybe different subjects, but the same effects.

But by the grace of God, I didn’t realized how “buried” I was – until now that I’m out from under the pile and can look back. I love how He shades our eyes from the intensity of our circumstances when we’re trying as hard as we can to keep our focus fixed on Him! He is so good to us!

I knew I felt overwhelmed and stressed physically (My eyes even developed an uncontrollable “tick” where it looked like I was winking at everyone at the strangest times! When I would wink at strangers and they would stare blankly back, I learned to sweetly smile and say something goofy like, “Well…Have a great day” before I ran away!). How Embarrassing!

I knew I felt overwhelmed and stressed mentally – because I couldn’t keep my mind focused on anything. I would be talking and in mid sentence, change topics or forget what I was talking about. Emotionally the stress came out in bouts of sudden tears or an intense need to sleep – right at that moment!

I felt the stress Spiritually too. It was hard to stay focused on the Lord and His Word during my quiet times. A few minutes later, I couldn’t even remember what it was I had just learned or read – even though I had written it down! Some days I didn’t want to have a quiet time – I just wanted to sleep – and I did. It was very hard to pray for others and to help carry their burdens when I was feeling so overwhelmed myself.

But the Lord was with me under the heap. Because of His mercy, I’ve walked with Him long enough to KNOW that He would never leave me nor forsake me (Heb. 13:5). He continued to feed me something every day from His Word – even if I could only digest a crumb. And, He propped me up – so that along with family, ministry, church, and civic responsibilities God called me to, I could also take the public stand (and public rejection) that He chose for me to take during those months. He helped me cling to Him minute by minute, and in His timing, “out of the wreck I arose”. How I praise Him!

I love that phrase “Out of the wreck I rise.” I was just arising out of the “wreck” around May 19th, when I read this from Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost For His Highest.” I’ve been wanting to do a post on his May 19th devotion since then, but am just now finding the energy and time to do so. However, in trusting God’s timing, I pray that someone reading this today will be encouraged and strengthened in the Lord as “out of the wreck you arise.” His loving-kindness is better than life. (Ps. 63:6) He loves you, and so do I. 🙂

If you have school-age children at home, you know how full and busy these weeks are! I’ve had so many posts written “in my mind”, and had so little time to think them through and type them out. I bet many of you are feeling the same way. 🙂

So, before the weekend starts, here are a few random thoughts I’ve been wanting to write about:

Nathan: Is finishing Middle School Spring Practice today, with a real scrimmage game tonight in another nearby city. I got my first taste of what the next year will be like on his first day in full pad practice – he got knocked down so hard that he saw stars and his ears were ringing. He was ok. I was the one needing the “chill pill”. I got lots of good advice from seasoned “football moms” about the importance of remaining calm in public and letting the dads handle that kind of stuff. I learned that moms should wait until they get in the car to break down, and to NEVER EVER run onto the field crying “My poor baby! My poor baby!” 🙂

• Abigail: Is finishing her last two weeks of being in Elementary School. I registered her for Middle School this week, and can’t help but wonder where the time went! It seems like just a year or two ago when she wore smocked dresses and bows big enough to take flight in. She is excited about middle school, and has already memorized Nathan’s “6th Grade Handbook” published by the middle school news paper staff. I’ve never seen a child more prepared and “in the know” about all things Middle School. I’m excited for her to be excited. I’ve been having lunch with her as much as possible in these last days. I hear that in Middle School, kids – – – for some reason – – – don’t want their moms eating lunch with them! This is yet another time that mom needs not to break down in public. 🙂

  

(PS: if it works like I hope it will, I’ll show a before and after picture. But for now, the arm and DVD is all you’re gonna get!)

• Memorial Day: What a gift we’ve been given by all of the men, women, and their families who gave their lives to ensure our freedom. I thank God for them, for their sacrifices, and for those they left behind. I have no idea what it is like to have a loved one die in service to this country. But I can imagine. Please join me in praying for God’s peace, strength, and joy to overwhelm those who are remembering and missing loved ones – especially this weekend.
• You: I’m missing your blogs. The week has been so full of “living” that I haven’t been “blogging” (as it well should be, sometimes). I’ll see you soon, and am looking forward to catching up on all that’s going on in your worlds.
• One last thought – A favorite verse of mine:

  Psalm 3:5 says, “I lay down and slept. I wakened again. For the Lord sustains me.” That’s how any of us can make it through an almost “unbearable” season of life. If you’re “barely hanging on”, hang on to God – He is the only one who can and will continue to forever sustain you!

Have a wonderful weekend, friends… I’ll see you around the Blogosphere….